why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
