What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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