i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
