I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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