we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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