So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
