ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
