So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
