i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
