and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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