Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
