I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
