On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
