she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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