so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
