i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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