Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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