No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
