Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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