Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
