I faked an abortion last night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
