I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
