im six kinds of drunk right now
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
