How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
