yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize