I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
so much tequila, so little girl.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
