So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize