I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
