He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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