Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize