Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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