I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You pole danced in your parka.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
