Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
