A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
