FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
