We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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