pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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