She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
