you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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