i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
