my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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