i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
