i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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