I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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