I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
