The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
