we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
