babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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