Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
