it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
