I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
