I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize