You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
