Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
