dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
