This house was built for laser tag.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
