I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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