I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
