so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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