my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
