you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
