I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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