Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
