She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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