So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
