Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
