i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize