these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So squirting runs in the family.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
