Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
