Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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