if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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