dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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