you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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