if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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