I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
