i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
