did you get engaged???
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
