I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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