hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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