I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
