mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just high enough for therapy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize