Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
