This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
