I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
